SAY NO... EARLY AND OFTEN

If you're a mom or a dad or are currently growing your tiny human, I am 1000% positive that you have been given this advice. It's my favorite, and not just in the way it's meant here. Tiny human is just over a year old and he is on. the. move. I started using the word 'no' several months ago, and while I am sure he *sort of* understands what that means... and that he has to do things that mom wants him to, not just whatever he wants whenever he wants.... it doesn't mean he likes it. You should see the temper tantrums I get when I tell him no during his daily (sometimes hourly) attempts to swan-dive off the changing table or make out with the robot vacuum. He has started shaking his head no while looking at me and still doing the thing he knows he's not supposed to be doing (is this my payback for being a rotten teenager... or is that still coming? Please don't answer that... ignorance is bliss!). My goal as his mom is to raise a respectful, upstanding member of society that understands that he has to respect the people around him, especially his parents and school teachers. And that means I'm probably going to have to say 'no' more often than I think I'll like to. I am his mom, not just his butler ;). Now... here is where this advice plays double duty. I am a people pleaser. Someone says they need help, I'm there. Want to borrow my car? Sure. Want me to work late? OK. Need help moving? I'll pick up the UHAUL for you. It has been REALLY hard to take a step back and realize that it is OK to say no. It has been hard, but it has been so necessary. I have seen my mom put herself last time after time. She is the single hardest working person I have ever met, and also the most selfless. I have watched her also learning to say no and it is empowering. In this age of entitlement, people aren't used to hearing the word 'no'. Let's bring it back. In addition to bringing back the word no... let's stop getting our feelings hurt every time someone tells us no. Instead let's take a step back and think about what the other person needs. If you invite someone out to dinner, and they initially say they will go, only to change their mind and cancel on you at the last minute because they've had a hard day... that's ok! (If you continuously invite someone out to dinner and they continuously cancel on you after initially saying yes... that person is probably a flake and you should probably stop inviting them places, or at least count on the cancellation). Is it inconvenient that they cancelled plans? Absolutely. Is it the end of the world as we know it? Nope. If someone says no, be ok with it, it's not the easiest thing to say. Quick recap. Say no. To your children. To your mom. To your best friend. It's ok to take care of yourself.